Being a mother

This day started at 06:00 with a vomiting son.  He continued to vomit all the way to the doctor.  I panicked; I can’t go to Paris if V is sick. I just can’t!

I felt frustration – why is this happening now?

I felt anger – For the first time in one year, I was going to do something on my own.

I felt sad – For my baby boy, feeling so sick.

This with a beautiful mix of bad sleep, no breakfast and feelings of guilt always cruising around in the back of my head, made me a ticking bomb. So I called my mother and to make a long story short, I let my bomb explode in her face. …or ear more correctly.

I think I haven’t yelled at her that much since I was a teenager. Ouf, we could fight back then. But now we discuss, we don’t fight…probably because we are adult.

It was such a relief, to just let my feelings explode all over the place. Such a selfish, childish outburst. I didn’t think, I just yelled. My mom just listened and stayed calm. And when my outburst was over, I was the one who apologized. She accepted my apology, and the drama was over. I know you can’t yell and scream at everyone when you feel like you are about to explode, but I needed it.  I got my frustration out of my system and then I apologized. End of story.

There is a small factor that you can’t take away from the equation, she is my mother.  Mothers have patience and love you no matter what. No one would accept to be yelled at at 08:00 in the morning for something that they have absolutely nothing to do with …. except mothers.

Covered in vomit, I took my son in my lap and held him close to calm him down.  Thinking about the day he would yell and scream at me, waiting for my turn to be the relaxed and understanding mother.

Gabi

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